I Guess It’s American

by Nathan Logan

If “Manta Ray Wins Hot Dog
Eating Contest” constitutes the
most important news of the day,
well, then that’s the cherry on top
of my head. Sometime during the
wee hours, punks replaced my tires
with, what tasted like, rhubarb pies.
At work, someone had tied a plush
effigy of me to the flagpole. All day
people asked, “Did you see the effigy
on the flagpole?” I replied, “Of course
I saw it. I may work in accounting, but
that doesn’t mean I’m loony!” I was
flapping around in the wind all day.
Amelia, whose name I often confuse
for Anemia, kept calling once I returned
home, but her kind words offered no
comfort. I just wanted to sit in the dark
and count my toes, making sure they didn’t
vanish from sight.