The interview went really well
except for the part when the guy questioned whether my degree was real.
The bio on the website says he’s writing a novel.
Some guy wrote a novel about a guy riding the NYC subway, while riding the subway.
LIRR to Jamaica to AirTrain to Terminal 5 to Boar’s Head sandwich station.
Queens has a lot of apartment complexes that look like really tall Smurf villages.
He must have a really good computer battery. Or publicist.
I would get carsick.
It takes way too long to download Keeping up with the Kardashians in New York.
Too many white people, on too many iPhones, downloading too many Kardashians.
It takes half as long to download a Kardashian in Chicago.
And yet, the Kardashians are the same size.
If something doesn’t happen soon
these slacks will need dry cleaning.
No one believes my diagnosis that Kimberley has Autism. She would make a really hot spokesmodel.
The ass of Asperger’s.
Carol and Mike Brady never had a biological child?
#stoned.
soon.
Too old to have a reliable pot dealer.
Someday soon, I will live in the same city as my girlfriend
and her marijuana.
Weed.
Cookies.
Bud.
Sad.
Blackhat Jews with normally dressed wife and daughters: a growing trend?
Other people who board the plane before their row numbers are called and then block the aisle with their fat asses.
Usually, religions only dress their women ridiculously.
Make room in the overhead compartments for gigantic luggage filled with all sorts of crap! Don’t put your coats up there! Live tv!
The thought of dying during Real Housewives of Orange County
not even Atlanta or New Jersey.
Where are the original cast members?
Jo, working at Red Lobster. Slade, dating a red lobster.
Is there a special kind of liposuction now that gives rich women a puffy, almost-six-pack?
Foreigners pawing at the snack basket.
The plantain chips are indeed “unlimited” but hardly “delicious.”
Don’t be tardy for the party.
No point in going to the gym later
the smoothie station will be closed.
There’s only one employee who makes the smoothies correctly.
The rest don’t even use the banana.
One of my cats loves me more than the other.
Hope that bald spot on her tail clears up.
From the sky, you can hardly see all the medium-fatties
down there, eating French fries cooked in duck fat.
The idea of leaving Chicago, having never learned to properly pronounce or locate
Touhy
Paulina
Pulaski.
Goethe is said: “Go-eh-thee.”
The dot has landed.
I don’t want to be here. I want to be back there
with you.
No one walks fast enough.
It’s an escalator, not a ride.
The people in Parking Lot E pay twice as much to be two minutes closer
those poor bastards.
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